Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
