As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
