I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
