So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
