Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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