there's paper in my vomit.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
