why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
