My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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