I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
