The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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