Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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