The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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