so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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