She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
