ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
