***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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