Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
