she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
