Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
