Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
