Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
