Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
