just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize