I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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