There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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