Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
