He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
