I wish I could punch you in the face.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
