I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
