Already got asked if we're dating
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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