Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
