Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
