I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
