you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
