how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
