this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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