her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
