I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i dont even know how to be here
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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