The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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