ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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