he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
