i don't like sucking hair
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
