I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
