Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
