Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
