im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
