"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
