no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
