The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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