remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The uberlube is also flammable
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
