if only i could text you this smell
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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