Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
