I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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