Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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