So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
