I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
