he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
