I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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