He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
