I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
