at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
