I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
