You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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