covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
