i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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