i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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