you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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