the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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