just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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