Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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