PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
