I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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