how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
soo... how was my night?
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