It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The adults are the big ones right?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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