Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
