i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
