Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
