six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
