Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
