it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
